Thursday, 27 January 2011

India - Pakistan Nuclear War


During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,
 Soviet satellites  would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds
 Soviet  counter-missiles would be on their way.
 This was their scenario.... ......... ....  
 
 But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan .
                                                                                                     
 The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India .  
They don't need any permission from their government,
 and  promptly order the countdowns.
 
 Indian technology is highly advanced.

 In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and 
decides  to  launch a missile in retribution. 
 But they need permission from the Government of India. 
 They submit their request to the Indian President. The President
 forwards it to the Cabinet.
 
 The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, 
but   due   to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets  adjourned
 and adjourned indefinitely.
 The President asks for a quick decision.  In the mean time,
  the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their
attempts  for  a relaunch are still on.
 Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a 
party  that  was giving outside support withdraws it. 
 The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week. 
 As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, 
 a  caretaker government is installed. 
 
 The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear  missile.
 But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not 
take such a decision because elections are at hand.

 A Public Interest Litigation  is filed  in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election 
Commission.   
 The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM,   and says  the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency  facing the  nation. 
 Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 
 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00AM.
 Fortunately  there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that
early. 
 
 In  any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in 
flight.  
 
 The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China 
and  USA.

 The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear  missile 
 of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. 
 This time all the parties agree. 

 Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as
preparations begin, 'pro-humanity' , 'anti-nuclear' activists come out against the  
Government's decision.

 Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.

 In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning 
 the  government and mentioning 'Please forward it to as many Indians as   possible'.

 On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles  deviate
 from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.
 Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes. 
 A missile (smuggled from USA ) is pressed into service.
 Since the Pakistan army  is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination:  Russia. 

  Russia successfully intercepts the missile  and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad .   
 The missile hits the target and creates havoc. 
  Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened
 and   sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits. 
 Thus India never gets to launch the missile.  Pakistan never gets it right.  

 And we live happily ever after

Picture Courtesy: www.desihotmasala.com 

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